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02 June 2011 @ 12:41 am
"We're young and we're bored."  
 You know, as much as I hated on Ke$ha originally, her songs DO stick to your brain like glue, and there's something to be said about that.

I've been thinking more on everything, which is usually a bad thing, but this time, it's something of a good thing. I see what my problem is, my overarching problem that's making everything daunting, confusing, and hard to grasp.


I want for too much.


I'm ambitious, which is expected. I want to be the edgy do it yourself IT girl. I want to be the unexpected computer wiz. I want to be the digital magician, making stories come to life in 3D. I want to be the brash rebel of a fashion designer. I want to have a house that everyone wants to be at, and parties to remember. I want to be able to live every single day fast and thrilling, and be satisfied with the result when I hit that pillow. I want it all to happen before I'm 50, because I think it's stupid to save all the fun for later, when I'd really rather be dead. The concept of being old and frail, and, more importantly, dependent on someone or something, sickens me. My problem? I'm 23 and no where near any of those goals, and time certainly isn't waiting for me.
 
My secondary problem to all of that (that still is caused by all of it)? I'm anal, I'm cautious. I'm in debt and unsure of what to do, but don't feel comfortable jumping when I feel that I have a faulty parachute. I sat down and remapped my expenses and income out (for the tenth time, mind you), and ideally, I can probably be in a position I'm happy to start "jumping" with in about two years. THAT is ideally when I'd like to move and jump head-long into University or Design school life, because then I'll be truly on my own, and I will HAVE to be able to take whatever comes my way. However, to say that I'm in the "safety net" right now would be incorrect. I don't feel that I have a comfort zone anymore. I might have, at one point, but not anymore. My room is no comfort zone. If anything, it serves as a constant reminder of everything that needs to be done, or what is to be.
 
On a different note, I fumbled around on the webs and took a quiz on some medical site. I'm coming clean: it said I had a high risk for depression and should talk to a doctor. My own personal deduction? Life bores me, and trying to live up to everyone else's expectations on top of just paying bills is stressing me out. I get up, and, if I'm working, I eat, get dressed, go to work, feel largely unfulfilled at work ("It's a job. It pays. That's all. There are small perks."), get off, go home. Rinse, repeat. If I'm off, replace with with sitting in my room all day, wishing for something. I do miss my life right after high school, when I would go shopping with friends, go out to movies, hang out at people's houses, and go get food and just be happy. Unfortunately, all of those things cost money, and when you're trying to pay down a credit card, pay bills, and save for school/various other things, that's not something you can afford to do. Sadly, my credit card reflects those times. I (occasionally) stave off envy of others who CAN still do that with reminding myself that, someday, I'll be able to live the way I want to. That's a long way off, though, and that fact is... not the most comforting.
 
On a different track: I've also sat and thought about my options. If I were to go the digital design route, I would double major at University of Central Florida. The Digital Art degree track and the Graphic Design track have mostly the same core classes, with the electives being the only real difference. It'd add a semester or two, but I'd be walking away with two Bachelor's degrees. On the flipside, going with Fashion Design, things get a bit more difficult. There is only one school I've found in Florida that has a fashion design program, and that's the International Academy of Design and Technology. They're not only quite a bit more expensive than UCF, but when I last spoke with representatives and staff, they were extremely rude and patronizing. Initially, I blew them off because of this, but, well, they are the only options. I'd have to go out of state, otherwise, and, um, I just don't have the money for it. I don't even have the money for in-state, really. I can't even imagine what out of state tuition to a design school would be.
 
Anyway, here's the price breakdown.
 
 University of Central Florida
Total Tuition est: $20,400 ($2,040 per semester, based on a 12 credit hour semester) This is with the double major included
Avg Rent: $600
Estimate on books (at $100 per book, since computer textbooks are pricey): $3,500
International Academy of Design and Technology (Orlando)
Total Tuition est: $68,320 ($4,200 per semester, based on a 12 credit hour semester) 
Avg Rent: $600
Estimate on books ($80 per book): $4,800
 
So! As you can see... IADT is indeed much more expensive, three times as much, actually. If I intend to go that route, I'd have to wait and save quite a bit more. Yes, there's Pell and other such financial aid, but it only goes so far. What's worse is that I'm hoping that the whole "Federal Student Aid" thing doesn't have a tizzy over me having an Associate's already. I know I've had some issues with financial aid in the past.
 
I'd also like to say that I've been told by people on the web that networking is the big thing now with getting jobs in both general design industry. WTF? How do I even begin to do this? Only people I know would be Dunnivan and a not-quite-distant-relative-but-close Gretchen, and those are both in cases of Graphic Design. Loooooost.
 
Anyway, yes, there's my situation, and my costs to look forward to tackling whichever road I jump into first. I love fashion, I just... well... at that price, it'd better be worth it. Sticker shock like whoa. My plan, thus far, is to get all of my finances in order over the next year, with a plan to stop and review every three months. If I'm stable and ready early, I dive in early. Yes, I feel much better about this.
 
 
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful