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20 June 2012 @ 11:40 pm
Late night brain meats  
Wow, it's been a while. I, quite honestly, haven't felt like sharing anything with anyone, in all honesty. My desire to get all squishy with the general public has diminished a bit. I save it all for Facebook, really.

I suppose I should bring you guys up to speed, though. I work at Victoria's Secret, now, unpacking all of those lacy and silky unmentionables and finding places to put them in the store. It's actually pretty fun, but the pay is crap. I'm still stuck at Lane Bryant, and the store itself isn't doing so hot. I'm kind of half-expecting to come into work just to be told that the store is closing in a month. I went to Metrocon, did stuff... and that's really about it. Oh, yes, and my roof got repaired, as it was ripped, rotted, and leaking. Not so good.

To be honest, Murphy's Law keeps flickering in and out for me. From my lovely house falling apart to burning food to workplace mishaps to cosplay screw ups to vehicle hiccups. It's a bit... disheartening. I'm trying to keep my head up, but, me being the pessimist I am, I'm finding that expecting the worst tends to make the blow when it happens a bit less... painful? Surprising? Not sure which adjective to toss there, but I hope you get the point. To be the pessimist, I have to give in, just a bit, to being the somewhat depressed cynic. It's not fun, but it makes things easier. There's too many "but"s in this paragraph.

I've also done a lot of reflecting. I really am going a lot of nowhere and I'm still having issues changing that. My main roadblock remains to be the job front, as I kind of need money to get anywhere, and I'm simply not making enough to split it all the way I need it to be distributed. I'm especially bothered by this in light of the fact that I am 24 and I do need to be trying to get a bit more financially stable, not be leaning so heavily on relatives to survive. That is especially highlighted in something I came to think about in light of a recent event: my roommate, who happens to also be my uncle, had a minor stroke. He's still functioning alright (or is good at faking it), but the fact remains that without him, I'd be in a tight spot. My saving grace is that there's a third person living here, at least temporarily, and what she pays for rent would even things out. My point, though, is that if any of my remaining relatives that I work with for finances were to pass, for whatever reason, I'd have a problem. I hate this feeling of dependency.

Switching gears, just a bit, I've also reflected a bit on things I've wanted to do and haven't. I know, I know, that is a bit random. Still, though, it's a slightly more positive thing to occupy myself with. My wants are a bit odd, I suppose. Sometimes I feel a little "Pinocchio"-like in that there's a lot of things I've never experienced, largely because my childhood and teenage years were a tiny bit disrupted by my own family's varied issues (cancer, custody cases, strange family drama), so some of the things I want to do/experience might seem pretty simple and silly to other people, like dating and relationships. I didn't mix myself up in that stuff in school simply because I didn't have the time or mental capacity to keep up. So all of those things like "first kisses" and such are lost on me. All of the guys I hung out with were my guy friends. I never got hit on, and I was usually the wing man or the advice giver since I was such a neutral party. This persisted a tiny bit into college, even. So, looking at people now, doing the dating and "relationshippy" thing does make me curious what it would be like, what with how I am these days (abrasive and blunt are the adjectives that come to mind). There's other things I'm curious about, but those I'll keep secret for now. That's the only one I wanted throw out there in my "hmmm" moment of reflection. Would I ever be serious about a relationship with that attitude of curiosity? I don't know. My ideals are skewed a bit, what with my anti-marriage and anti-children sentiment. It'd really depend on the definition of serious.

This is getting to be a long post and I haven't even poured out the half of my brain meats. I guess I've just had a lot on my mind lately, for better or worse.
 
 
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